[loving] you was/were my heroin.
and now i'm suffering the worst kind of withdrawal and i feel like this horrible drug addict who's been thrown into rehab...
yeah. 
thanks, courtney, for making a plan for my recovery, and for listening to me gripe all the time ~_~

in other news:

smoking, and what it does, as explained by Puja Sharma (me):

in your body, you have a protein called Hemoglobin. You have probably heard of this protein, and i will describe it a little for you now. It has four subunits (two alpha polypeptides, and two beta polypeptides), and each subunit contains a heme group with an iron atom (Fe). each heme iron can bind a single oxygen molecule (O2).

oxygen is not the only thing that can bind to iron in the heme group. other molecules such as cyanide (CN-) and carbon monoxide (CO) can also bind with iron. when one of these other molecules binds to the iron in the heme group, oxygen obviously can't bind there, and it is not transported to parts of the body (e.g. muscle cells) where it is needed. CO is a product of smoking tobacco, and as i just stated, CO binding blocks oxygen bindings, and is therefore detrimental to your being as a whole. CO levels as low as .02% in air intake will give you headaches and nausea, and if it increases to .1%, you will fall unconscious (a la wikipedia).

thank you, bio 1a taught by professor malkin at the university of california, berkeley.
and to you, dear reader, if you smoke, you probably will continue to do so (and i think you're stupid for it), but now you know what all you're doing to yourself, on a biological and cellular level.


&exeunt.

mom (by the stairs): there's something here.
dad (at the table): what is it?
mom: it's a cockroach
dad (*very seriously*): it cannot be.
mom: it is.
dad: let me see *walks over*
dad: this is not a cockroach. 
me: what is it?
dad: it's an insect.

see, once upon a time, this guy lived in the downstairs spare room which is now used as storage, and he brought with him this printer/copier/fax machine that had a bunch of roach eggs in it.  my dad was furious, and spent every night downstairs hunting for roaches.  i distinctly remember him turning on the gas stove to kill them with the flames if they were hiding there.  i also remember this incident where one of our baby sitters was playing with us by the pool when my dad came out with a broom and swept the roach outside before whacking it repeatedly and yelling at it.

needless to say, my dad hates roaches now.  and that guy who brought them.
there haven't been any roaches in this house since that time, actually.  so go dad?

right now i am feeling the song "one week" by barenaked ladies.  it's like the story of my life -_- love life, rather.
idk where that's going, btw.  i can't live with the tattoo, it's demeaning and looking at it would just make me feel worthless.
why don't you get that? and why won't you say something to me about all this to at least try and fix it?  is it even fixable?  do you want to fix it?  do i want to fix it?  are we just going to be over like this forever?  you're leaving pretty soon, right?
but on the other hand, i miss you.
the void is kind of being filled, however, with the guy who plays jim halpert on the office, hugh laurie, and soon, wentworth miller.
in other words, i've been watching a lot of tv on dvd haha.  the office seasons 1-3 and house md season 4.  i'm going to watch prison break season 2 tonight, and maybe i'll buy the third season off of amazon and watch it over winter break.  we'll see.  actually, i also think the guy who plays chase on house is cute too.  and australian<3 love the accent.

speaking of accents, courtney is living in ihouse this year (ihouse = international house), and she said she has a lot of hot foreign boys to introduce me to, which probably isn't going to fix my broken heart, but maybe it'll make it feel a little bit better.  school starts august 27th, so i'm going to be flying back up to berkeley the 26th.  my flight leaves john wayne at 2:15, just in case anyone reading this wants to drop me off at the airport so i don't have to ask my parents to take off work :X  i don't want school to start, i don't want to go back, i want to stay here and read and watch tv and do as much nothing as humanly possible while my parents take care of me.

it has come to my attention that the song, "southern sun," on the paul oakenfold album, bunkka is a really good song.
and so are the three remixes that are also on the album haha.

josh: I'm sorry.
nam: it's called "pushing you away" and i'm guilty.  also, i was mad at you.  sorry for lying about that when you asked, but i really didn't want to delve into why i was mad at you and if i had said "i don't want to talk about it," you would've presented a wonderful argument as to why i should stop being childish and instead talk to you about it.  i have a million best friends, but still i find i like to hide within myself sometimes.
robyn: you've been hiding/busy as of late and i want to see you again before i go.  i miss you.

now i'm feeling sad, so i'm going to go.
&exeunt.

( quiz )

so i'm back in berkeley.  it's okay, but i'd much rather be at home.
regarding certain aspects of my life, things were going well, but now i'm not so sure.  
i tried though.  merrrrrrrrrr.
but anyway, my head hurts from eating at improper intervals (i do this a lot), and i have a lot of libros to read.

&exeunt. 

robyn and i are going to fly away to neverland
and we aren't gonna grow up no more.
&hearts;

p.s. i am in love with shiny toy guns :D :D :D
p.p.s. i don't think i'm going to beat ffxii before i head back to berkeley, but that's okay.

oh let's just add more to the entry :O
i was reading through the updates on my f-list, and came across gawainesangel and her talented art, and then underneath, in the description, she wrote,
"I mean, Balthier/Ashe is as canon as pairings in FF12 get! (Which is to say they have like 2 scenes together.) -_-;; Yes, FF12 lacked character development. But damn, everyone sure was pretty to look at."
which made me laugh (:

and let's see...
my ra (aka overlord<3), meng, told me the name of my new roommate.
she isn't on facebook or myspace, or google, so i'm still in the dark about her -___-;
5 days left 'til my return to snow country (aka berkeley, where yes, i know, it doesn't snow, but it's really cold, so there).
&exeunt.

except, not.
so i'm at berkeley now,
drove up here saturday with a car way too full of stuff (pretty much all my stuff), moved in sunday (yesterday), and woke up for the first time in what is going to be my home for the next year.  
it hasn't been that bad.
i know where the bookstore is on campus (so i can buy books :p), my roommate is nice (she's also rarely ever here so i get the room to myself whenever i come back from wherever :D), i've made friends with some of the kids on my floor/in my building, and i'm going out to dinner with some of my friends frm calso. wooooo.
the only problem is that dinner: 6:30, floor meeting: 7, and PRISON BREAK SEASON TWO PREMIERE is at EIGHT!
omgomgomgomg WENTWORTH MILLERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(yeah so i'm a bit obsessedddddddddddddd har har har :D)
maybe i'll skip the floor meeting :p  
rawr.  anyway, what i'm trying to say i guess is that college is not that bad (wait til i start classes har).
ooh my tamagotchi is bouncing around i think it wants me to play with it :X
(my friend jensen got it for me a couple of days before i left).

so i'll leave you with one last sentiment:
PRISON BREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3

omg.pirates.love.proper.entry.coming.in.morning.or.after.i.see.pirates.again.with.connie.at.1:05.
<3

proper entry:
WARNING.  SPOILERS MIGHT ENSUE.  PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST SPOILERS, THAT IS.  SO BACK OFF AND GO AWAY UNTIL YOU SEE LARGE TEXT SAYING "END SPOILERS" OR SOMETHING.
right.  well, i loved that movie.  from the first glimpse of that unwaterly looking water to the end where barbossa walks down the stairs asking about his ship BUT IT'S NOT HIS SHIP, IT'S JACK'S!!!!!!!! git.  speaking of git, jack used that word once.  and he said bugger a few times ^_____^  he only used savvy once, and that was to talk to those native pelacosta[?] peoples.  ^__^ the face paint they did on him was pretty neat.  i loved all the action of it, like how they all kept getting into really strange messes/traps and used a lot of different creative ways to get out of them.  i was totally not expecting barbossa to be alive still.  i'm pretty damn sure he died at the end of the first one, since he was freaking shot -__- wtf.  as much as a hated keira knightley in potc for getting orlando, i hate her even more for that kiss action she shared with johnny depp.  and then she condemned himmmmmmmm ):  bitch.  i couldn't tell if she was forreal sorry at the end when they were sitting in tia dalma's place.  i loved her too, btw.  
j: "it's a jar of dirt." 
t:"yes." 
j:"does it help?" 
t:"if you don't want it, give it back." 
j:"no. *cling*" 
t:"then it helps."
i think that's how the dialogue went. not too sure, only have seen it twice, so i haven't really memorized that much yet :X  kyoko and yuka are right: johnny depp did perfect the walk :D  i also like the bits where he talked to himself: 
"why is the rum always gone?"
hehe :D
the pirates' love for rum was probably a bit overdone though.  they brought it up a lot, but it was still funny.
gibbs: "we're short on gunpowder, half a dozen kegs"
will: "use the rum."
gibbs & remaining pirate crew: *total silence*
hahahaha :D  [former] commodore norrington and that lord beckett guy were both obnoxious assholes.  it was so disturbing/funny to see governor swann without his wig on (it makes him look stupider btw).  davy jones was pretty rad.  actually, he was rad in the evil villain sense.  him and his crew were all kinda rather ew disgusting-y.  that includes will's father, bootstrap bill!  it was really amazing to see him in this movie btw :p
there was just so much i loved about this movie, it's love<3333
usually sequels suck, but this one was way up to par (:
i'll keep you all posted on how much i progress in my potc2 viewings.  right now i'm only at two |:  rawr.
END OF SPOILER CONTENT, YOU CAN EFFING READ NOW :p
except now i don't really know what to write about haha
other than berkeley did NOT send me info about bedsheets and how to order them from the internet, so i'm freaking out about what ELSE they haven't sent me, as well as the fact that they have neither my ap scores or mhs transcripts (both of which are due july 15, and have been mailed to my house wtf).  -__-;; my mom is going to be talking to them tomorrow, she said. 
speaking of my mom, there are some family tensions going around.  think the d-word.  
but i don't really want to talk about that right now, since it's depressing and bah.  

i officially started talking to my berkeley calso friends today (:  mimi and joanie via aim, and them two plus d via facebook/myspace.  i wish ali and jesse would come on so i could talk to them too since both of them were pretty amazing and i liked them :]  jesse and i are supposed to see potc2 (GOOD MOVIE!) also, since he lives in lbc.
mmmm, i wanna be a pirate (:
i've been watching mtv for like 6 hours straight or something.
well, not watching, just like leaving it on and glancing at it whenever :p

( meme )

i tag everyone [:

&a pirate's life for me~!

so i'm home from calso :O
(aka the two day orientation that so cruelly separated me from the midnight showing and opening day of pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest).
i thought it'd be really rawr and horrible ew and boring, but it really wasn't (:
first of all a thanks to john tomaseka and edward lin because both of them so very kindly gave me advice and told me what to expect and etc.
calso was fun because i made new friends.  i love them [:
there is joanie (joan), ali (alicia), mandapanda (amanda), minnie (minerva {i don't really think she likes this nickname so i'd be more than glad to call her mimi if she'd like that better :D}), d (delores), and then jesse (he likes to go to shows, yaaay)!.  joanie is my homeboy :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
okay.  
i'd talk more, but i really really really really want to see pirates now.  my stupid friends all decided to text me and whatnot telling me about how much they liked it.  they suck.  ):
okay bye :D
&PIRATES!